More Thankful

For dreamers, for sentimentals, for lovers, Christmas has all the right ingredients. Colorful lights paint the beautiful winter sky. Hours are spent searching for the perfect gift - for the friend, the lover, the brother. The seasonal music fills our souls with optimism, beauty, and holiday cheer. Cookies, egg nog, and wine top it all off to make Christmas a very romantic time of year.

This year, Christmas took on a whole new meaning for me. I must admit that the first question I ask after Christmas is "Did you get everything you wanted this year?" To me Christmas has always been synonymous with receiving gifts. But this year was different, this year was special.

This year (whether consciously, or not) I decided to spend less money on gifts and engage more in conversation - and not because of frugality, but because I wanted to be reminded what Christmas is really about. I was surprised how refreshing it felt to focus less on the new stuff, and more on simply being with family and friends.

With the economy in shambles, job opportunities at a minimum, and prices slowly increasing - I wonder if the "economy" issue our country is facing could actually be good for us. Yes, you read that right. I believe there are some positive effects from our country being in a recession right now.

People are re-considering driving 2 cars when they can car pool. People are carrying reusable water bottles (http://mysigg.com/index.asp) rather than wasting plastics. People are more grateful for the things they've been given because they know how tough times are.

I challenge you to try what we did this year: spend less, but give more.


KL.

Love

I'm so encouraged by the amount of people who are willing to give, serve, and love during this holiday season. It's just been fantastic to see people from all walks of life living out the ways of Jesus - whether they know it or not.

May we never forget what Christmas was originally all about.

Happy holidays to all of you - keep up the love. KL.

I Don't Know, What I Don't Know

Most of us go through this phase - this phase of fearlessness, invinsibility, and even borderline ignorance. It's part of being a boy (on the inside) and being a man (on the outside). It's part of sometimes acting like I'm 21 and othertimes acting like I'm 26. I'm learning the difference is simple: patience.

I'm turning 24 this New Year's Eve and it's really exciting. The other night around the dinner table, my mom asked me, "Are you happy with where you are at 24 years old?" Great question mom. Part of me is content with today, the majority of me wants so much more for tomorrow. I know I can't wait for what 2009 holds in store.

Lately I've been walking through this stage of not knowing what I don't know, let me explain:

I can make it on my own, I can finish grad school, I can complete a triathlon, I can do doughnuts in the snow and still be in control, I can do whatever the hell I want - mixed with some sass.

Or can I?

I'm learning that the 20's are all about figuring out who you are and who your friends are. Most people think it's all about finding your career and perhaps that's part of it. But I think it's more about the discovery of self.

I'm learning to embrace the fact that I don't know what I don't know - and that there's positivism that comes with that (persistence) and negativity that comes with that (arrogance).

It's all about pursuing balance. Take care of one another,

KL.

Movement

We often associate movement with change, which actually makes perfect sense.

If you've never seen the view of the Grand Canyon (assuming you want to), it won't happen unless you pursue movement - unless you book a flight, a hotel, and a rental car. You've got to get time off from work, be at the airport on time, and get from the airport to the Canyon, which requires a lot of movement.

I've been pursuing that "view" for quite some time now and I'm seeing that movement doesn't necesarily mean it has to be external. Perhaps my movement has more to do with my building passion that makes me want to see the beauty of the Grand Canyon - before I'm actually able to experience literal movment.

Let's get practical:

I've been trying to get a new job, apply to grad school, and find solid friends for a while now. I've sent my college transcript to more places than I can even remember. I've spent countless hours online looking at schools, programs, jobs, etc. I've been pursuing the "view" of some kind of movment. My world still looks very similar to my world a year ago - but it's completely different, internally.

My heart is focused, my drive is stronger, my love is deeper.

This is movement, this is change, for the time being. KL.

Stay Hungry

This is about making the choice to be a warrior, a fighter, a competitor.

This is about the relentless pursuit of running a faster pace tomorrow than you ran today (but also accepting the feeling that you gave everything you had today).

This is about refusing to settle.

This is about staying hungry.



I'm not satisfied with where I'm at, although I accept who I am (liabilities and all) - I want so much more.

I want to become more, I want to learn more, I want to be more.

When faced with a decision, I've been living by these 2 simple questions. I ask myself these questions before I decide to do something:
1) Is it beneficial, optimistic, or productive?
2) Is it investing in myself or my future?

Try it, ask yourself those questions before you do something. Clarity has been more accessible since and I'm loving who I am more and more everyday.

Stay hungry, work hard for what you want, eat your fruits and veggies, hug each other, and most importantly, don't ever give up.

I'm ready for a five course meal. I'm competing to win. KL.

In the Wee Small Hours of the Morning...

"In the wee small hours of the morning
While the whole wide world is fast asleep
You lie awake and think about the girl
And never ever think of counting sheep

When your lonely heart has learned its lesson
You'd be hers, if only she would call
In the wee small hours of the morning
That's the time you miss her most of all"

-Frank Sinatra

For some reason I can't get these lyrics out of my heart...

KL.

After Hours

As I'm training for my triathlon, I'm learning a lot about myself. It's been quite interesting to see progression in my times, my motivation, and my excitement as I finish with more contentment than ever. There's something about long distance training that tests your perseverance like nothing else.

I'm learning that behind the glory of finishing something difficult in life, there are hours of hard work and sweat when no one is watching. There are late nights of fighting for something you believe in, when everyone else has gone to bed. And it's in those times where character is made - when most people grab a water, I approach the hill with a smile because (like Kanye said) I'm better than I've ever been.

Last night I was riding the bike and decided that I was going to ride for 30 minutes at a fast pace. I always have a goal in mind before I ever run, bike, or swim - ya gotta know where you're going before you can get there. My goal was to keep a pace of riding 1 mile every 3 minutes. After 10 minutes, my legs started to burn and I thought about slowing the pace. Immediately, I put that thought out of my mind and went faster.

I pushed through the next few minutes and was 15 seconds behind keeping my pace of a mile every 3 minutes. I looked at my watch and saw I was coming up on 27 minutes, which meant I really had to push to reach my goal of 10 miles in 30 minutes.

And the last 3 minutes was all up hill - how fitting, I thought to myself.

I gripped the bars, put my head down, closed my eyes, and put everything out of my mind. I didn't even give myself a chance to think about times - I pushed my legs into the pedals as hard as I could. As I got closer to 30 minutes, I knew I had to give it everything I had. My legs were burning, my heart rate was at 180, and I felt amazing. With 20 seconds left, I had a tenth of a mile to go and just before 30 minutes passed, I hit 10 miles.

Insert amazing feeling here.

Work hard for what you want and you'll see what I mean.

KL

Outside Ourselves

Balancing the Christmas act is really difficult. People seem to be much more stressed around this time of year. Walk into any mall and you'll see what I mean. Everyone wants the perfect gift, with the perfect size, and the perfect price. Black Friday has come and gone - showing us just how crazy things are during this season.

A man in New York died unlocking the doors at Wal-Mart because people were more concerned about saving a few bucks than they were about the safety and well being of another individual. Two others were shot at Toys R Us over which toy they wanted to buy. This reminds me of some of the issues middle school teachers deal with.

If you mix common sense and rationale, you'll easily see how crazy (and by crazy, I literally mean "insane") some people are in our society. I'd like to think those 2,000 people who trampled over this man didn't realize he was in serious danger. I don't think it's that people are completely apathetic - I think it's that we are often so selfish that we only see what's in it for us. So many people are willing to do almost anything just to get 20% off.

There's no point of judging the reader because neither you nor I had anything to do with any of these situations. But during this season, that was intended to be one of joy, peace, and love, let us remember to slow down and think about others before ourselves. Let us realize that we have been blessed beyond what we deserve and that we can have the privilege of giving back. Let us all think outside ourselves during this Christmas season.

By the way, if you haven't heard her, check out Clara Lofaro. She's beautiful. KL.

808's & Heartbreak

Don't tell me you'll never leave if you've already booked the flight.

Don't tell me you want me to hold you when you don't smell like me.

If you don't want me, don't feed me that "I need you" stuff, I'm a sucker for that.

Check out 808's and Heartbreak - I've been waiting for an album like this.

KL.

June 28, 2009

I've been thinking a lot about this date because it's the annual Philadelphia Triathlon and I'm competing in it for the first time. I've been training for about a month now and feeling stronger each day.

It was cold this past Saturday, like frigid cold. The kind of cold that seeps into your skin and tests your determination like nothing else. I drove past a bank on my way and it said it was 26 degrees outside.

As I began my run, I knew I needed to block out the pain because I knew it would subside at some point. And sure enough, 15 minutes into my run, I felt like I was running on the beach with my bathing suit on. I ran 6.5 miles at a 6:45 pace.

Here's my question- when I run in the gym (with a water bottle, shorts, t-shirt, and a warm facility), I usually run at a 7:15 pace. So how was I able to slice 30 seconds off each mile, 2 minutes and 10 seconds overall (with a sweatshirt, long pants, and running directly into the wind)?

I'm just focused on getting stronger. KL.

Get Back on the Bike

Heroes come in many different forms, functions, and relationships. I've actually never claimed one "hero" in my life, mainly because it sounds so cliche. It sounds so melo-dramatic. But after reading "It's Not About the Bike" by Lance Armstrong, I decided he is one of my heroes.

Reading this book taught me that "fighting" isn't always about flexing the largest financial muscles or accumulating the most "wins" in life - sometimes fighting is about the resilient voice at the end of the day that says, "I will try again tomorrow."

When you think about Lance Armstrong, what's the first image that comes to mind? For most people, it's him wearing the beloved "yellow jersey" (the one that the leader of the race wears) raising his hands in victory, kissing his mom or his wife, with a huge smile on his face.

But if you read his book, you'll see that for every victory, there were 7 setbacks. For every triumph, there were more obstacles. He paints a picture, not of a man wearing the yellow jersey, but of a man stuck in a bed with chemo running through his system - just to stay alive.

He paints a picture of a man who refused to quit, no matter what the "odds" were. He paints a picture of a man who fell off his bike, time after time, but always got back on. He paints a picture of a man who I'm striving to be.

I've been brokenhearted, I've fallen off the bike (a couple times actually), and I've been tempted to quit. I've been tempted to lay on the ground and bitch about my situation. There's probably always going to be that voice in the back of my mind that says, "But what if you can't do it?"

Lance heard that voice too, but refused to listen.

And so do I.

When I was in college, I led a mission trip to Boston. Our goal was to serve the homeless, the orphans, and the widows in the local area for one week. I made a commitment to teach, lead, and organize a group of 15 people.

A girl I was dating at the time was also on the trip. Things got really hectic in our relationship and I told her I needed space to be able to fully dedicate myself to leading the group. We were obviously both upset. She called her dad that night and he flew her home the next morning - and paid for her ticket.

I called my mom. "Mom, I want to come home."

And I will never forget what she said.

"Son, you're not going anywhere. You're staying in Boston and you're going to lead the group because you made a commitment. You're not going to quit. I didn't raise you to give up."

And that's exactly what I did. I got back on the bike.

So here I am, 3 years later, frustrated as hell with where I am in life, but also, more optimistic than I've ever been because I know what I've done in the past when I've fallen off the bike.

Thank you mom, for making me stay in Boston, for making me get back on the bike. KL.

Give Out an "A"

In a world full of assessments, judgements, and measurements sometimes we need to be reminded to see the possibility in people before we measure them up against our standards.

Imagine if you were taking a class that you felt insecure about. For me, it would certainly be science. You already know this course isn't your bread and butter. You sit down on the first day of class, the teacher walks in, and says, "Good morning class - I have an announcement to make. Each of you will receive an "A" for this class as long as you follow 2 rules: be on time and take diligent notes each class."

Rather than being nervous about being measured to the other students, I'd feel an immediate desire to want to do those two simple things: be on time and pay attention. Rather than worrying about seeing that red "F" on my first test, I would be solely focused on paying attention and learning new information.

So here's my idea:

In an effort to be less judgemental and more approachable, I'm going to look at people and give them an "A" rather than waiting for them to screw up and give them a "C" or perhaps even a "D".

It's just a thought - let's realize we're all on a journey, and we may not be together...

But we're getting there. KL.

Worst Best Man

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hM0n3H4eN-0

This video is definitely worth the 44 seconds. KL.

Real Quick

Nothing feels better than being completely honest with yourself.

That's all for now, KL.

Like A Flask Filled With...Hope.

If you've never heard of Brett Dennen, and if you have $9.99 to spare, go out and purchase his new album called "Hope for the Hopeless." His lyrics are fresh, innovative, and authentic. Even if folk music doesn't "make you go crazy" you just might enjoy the positivism in his message. Check it out.

http://brettdennen.net/

Take care of each other. KL.

Flip It

We can all agree that our country is going through a challenging time. Everyone is talking about it, which is ideal because conversations (hopefully) lead to action, which then (inevitably) leads to change. And we can also all agree that change is necessary - especially now.

Last weekend I was having a conversation about the state of America and my buddy said he thinks the next president is walking into one of the worst times our country has ever seen. Although there's a grain of truth here, I'd like to flip the negative into a positive:

I think the next president has the opportunity to be remembered as the leader who walked us out of the desert - who creates more jobs, who helps stabilize our economy, who helps make our world a more positive place. He has the chance to go down as the man who spurred us back toward greatness.

The intention here isn't political. It goes much deeper than that. Let's flip all the negatives in our experiences and discover the positives. Seeing the negative is natural, seeing the positive isn't.

Let's flip it. KL.

Daughters

After having lunch with a great friend, I realized how important it is to be good to your daughters - and to tell them that they put the color inside your world. She always makes me smile, no matter what we're talking about - and I really care about our friendship.

Here's the point of this short post:

When someone makes you happier than a 6 year old on Christmas morning, be sure they know. When you have a friend that you would do anything for, be sure to make every effort to show it. Be good to each other, think about others before yourself.

That's all for now. KL.

So High - for all the Right Reasons

I love this feeling, of being high.

Now before you assume, hear me out. There's more than one road that can get you "high". After trying almost every approach to living, I've found what doesn't work, still in search for what does. Sometimes you have to go around the block a few times, get frustrated enough, and keep pushing forward (never losing the optimism and the progression) to be able to see and feel which approach is best.

Here's a few approaches I've tried:

-Buying cool new stuff. Only satisfies until the newer, faster, cooler version comes out, which will inevitably be in a couple weeks/months.
-Drinking and other. Doesn't work.
-Selfishness. Really doesn't work.

It's essential to invest in yourself, to take time and discover who you are - and I've spent the last year and a half doing just that. I feel renewed and refueled to be able to reciprocate and give back. I've been thinking about my weekly rhythms and the habits I've developed. I'm not what you would consider a "structured" person. I'm very spontaneous, sometimes unorganized and irresponsible, mostly easy-going with a smile in my heart.

But now I'm reclaiming rhythm in my life.

Yesterday I ran at Peace Valley Park without knowing how far or how long I would run - I just knew I wasn't going to stop, no matter what. Currently I can run 2-3 miles and feel good about the workout, but usually around mile 3, I'm ready for the couch and some Propel - Strawberry Kiwi please.

Today I found out that the trail is 7.2 miles. That's more than double what I usually can run - and it felt like 3 miles after I finished. It really made me wonder about the limitations I subconsciously set in my mind. I wonder what it would look like if I stopped setting limits in my mind and just gave my heart holistically.

When you set a personal goal, and not only reach your goal, but exceed it, you get really high. When you push yourself to your limits and you know that you gave it (whatever the "it" is) everything you had, you'll sleep better, feel better, and love who you are.

Things have really just been going my way lately, so I'm gonna embrace the high as long as I can. KL.

One Word Can Change the World

There is so much to say and sometimes it's all about consolidation, so here's my effort at telling her story.

She used to wear a smile all day long, everything was warm, even the rain felt pleasant. He brought warmth into her heart and she trusted him deeply. But his hands that were once comforting somehow became cold, his smile that was once welcoming somehow became angry. Things changed quite abruptly and she didn't understand why.

She refused to trust, she slept with one eye open - waiting for someone to abandon her again. She thought it was her fault. She felt guilty, ashamed, and lonely.

Years later, she woke to this wonderful realization that life is only as beautiful as she wanted it to be. She found a love in Him that would never let her down, a love that she could actually trust, a love that she welcomed into her heart. She realized that He died on the cross so all injustice might be abolished, so all peace might be rescued, so all trust might be restored.

She realized that there was only one word that could set her free:

LOVE.

She found a way to change the insecure into confident, the awkward into accessible, the guard into an open door. And she discovered it was a beautiful way to live.

Jesus, thank you for loving everyone equally. Thank you for giving your life so we might have peace. Thank you for not throwing the stone. Thank you for running to us.

Thank you for your consistent LOVE.

KL

When You Get to the Finish Line, You've Got to Finish

I'm making a bold prediction:

The Phillies will be the World Series Champions in 2008.

After listening to some Journey, I was reminded...

"Don't stop believin"

So hold on baseball fans, here comes the Fightin Phils.

It's About Time for Me To Shine

I decided to sleep on the beach this weekend and like the sunshine in my eyes, I knew I needed to change some habits in my life. I'd quickly like to share a few things before I detour for a couple months.

1. We live in a beautiful world - with more potential than we can even comprehend.

2. I have much to do.

3. Life is only as good as you make it. If things aren't "right" (whatever 'right' means) re-evaluate the methods and decide to live a different way.

No more living for the pleasure, I'm living for tomorrow. Take care of one another. Don't cut people off in traffic. Hold the door for others. Be practical. Think about the way you're living. Change the world with your own two hands and your own beating heart. Start today.

I'm going silent now, but I will return - when it's back together again. KL.

Middle of the Dance...

This needs to be concise.  

But I've been reminded to be honest with people, no matter what.  Forget what's expected.  If you feel it, let him know - even if it's in the middle of the dance.

Pursue what you believe, love each other.  KL.

On a Rainy Day

After a good nights rest, I woke to a downpour I didn't expect. I planned to take Brewsky (my dog) to the park for a long walk...

And I was reminded that we rarely anticipate the rain to turn into downpour. We subconsciously know it's coming from time to time, but we expect it to drizzle. - but it never just drizzles, does it?

It comes in buckets, in bunches, in storms. Darkness surrounds you and you're drenched. Head to toe - You're covered in rain. You wonder if it's ever going to slow down. You beg for a break, you drop to your knees and pray that it would stop. But it doesn't.

And then you begin to realize that there's a certain beauty being covered in rain. - a beauty you never allowed yourself to see.

Because you begin to see there's a reason for pain. There's a purpose for the downpour. And when you permit your heart and mind to feel that, life somehow makes more sense. You begin to feel the pleasure in pain because you know the storm has an end. Your senses are now filled with optimism and you're more prepared to stare at the next storm right in the eye and say "I'm ready for whatever you've got"

And that's where I am today. KL.

Think "Small" and "Big" Things Result

Have you ever just wanted to get through a certain season of your life to move on to the next phase of your life?

I know I have but I'm learning a big lesson in thinking small, and expecting big.

This weekend, the Phillies will show us what they're really made of. They have a 3 game series with the Mets, who currently lead in the National League East standings by 2 games, after the Phils shut-out the Mets last night 3-0.

But I'd like to talk about something that happened before the opening game of the series. Mike Schmidt, a Hall of Famer, who played on the 1980 team that won the World Series, wrote an email to the entire Phillies team that read:

"Guys, one pitch, one at-bat, one play, one situation, think 'small' and 'big' things result. Tough at-bats, stay up the middle with men on base, whatever it takes to keep the line moving. Hot offense. 27 outs on defense. The Mets know you're better than they are. They remember last year. You guys are never out of the game. Welcome the challenge that confronts you this weekend. You guys are the best. Good luck, #20."

Not only is this message athletically sound, but also theoretically sound. Think "small" and "big" things result. Take one day at a time. Stay tough, remember what you've done in the past but know that this is a new season full of new opportunities. Welcome a challenge. Never give up, you're never out of the "game."

Many of us (me included) want our liabilities to disappear tonight. We want to wake up to the world we always dreamed of when we were children - and after coming full circle with it all (hope---> disappointment---> hope - and always concluding with hope) I've learned to never let the disappointment take away the hope. Never, never, never.

After reading Schmidt's message, I was not only inspired as a Phillies fan but also as a 23 year old trying to find his way in this crazy world. I'm planning on going back to school and I've never been more excited about my future than I am right now. I need to take one day at a time and realize that someday, I'll find a job that I have a deep passion for.

But in the meanwhile, I'm going to think "small" and expect big. KL.

Family Love

This blog has been running around upstairs for quite some time now and I'm sorry that it's long overdue. There are three people in my life who have meant more to me than I could ever express. If you want to know who your real friends are, if you want to know who really cares, look around when the storm hits and you'll see who's got your back. Notice who calls you randomly to see how your doing, who takes you out to dinner just because they know you love Mexican food, or who stands up for you, regardless - and you'll see family.

That's what "family" is all about - Loving each other, supporting each other, and being there for each other when things are going well and when things aren't. Each person has shown me what it means to be family and I'd like to share with you exactly how they've taught me that.

The first person is my Uncle John, one of the most loving people I know. He has given me some of the best advice in the last year or so and when he speaks, I listen. He's sensitive when he needs to be and strong when he needs to be. He always encourages, uplifts, and supports me and that means more than giving $50 for a birthday gift or anything else for that matter. When my parents got divorced, he was there. When "she" fell apart, he was there. When things were said that didn't need to be said, he was there. He has taught me that family supports you, no matter what.

The second person is my Aunt Kathy - my second mom. No one has been more positive, accessible, or unselfish. I know I could call her at anytime in the night and she would be on her way if I ever needed anything. She's taught me about loyalty, the most important characteristic in what it means to be a true friend. She has listened to me process so many things and has given me advice when it's needed - without judging. She knows when to talk and when to listen, which is so rare. Sometimes I just need someone to listen to me and she always does that so well. If it wasn't for my Aunt Kathy, I honestly have no idea where I'd be - but it wouldn't be pretty. She has been a life-saver for me in more than one occasion. I love her so much because her actions actually back up her words, which is quite refreshing. She's the perfect example of what an aunt should be.

The third person is my mom who has taught me so much because she didn't defend me when the teachers said I was being disrespectful in class. When I've been in financial trouble, rather than paying my way (which I know she wanted to do) she's taught me the value of working hard for something and fully appreciating it. She understands that the best sometimes feels the worst, but she's always been there to hear me out. I couldn't imagine having a mom that loves her 2 boys more than Maryann does. The only person I wanted to talk to on June 13th was my mom. She's the best mom a son could ever ask for.

I write this simply to highlight what family looks like.

The point: Love your family and appreciate them.

KL.

I Am My Brother's Keeper

Last night America witnessed one of the greatest speeches ever delivered, made by a man with integrity, respect, and compassion for a country that so desperately needs change. I'm convinced that Barack Obama has the philosophies, morals, and commitments to reclaim the American promise that we all long for. He's a man who deeply cares about all the hard-working middle class Americans, which is refreshing considering the last 8 years.

His speech hit every note on the scale - everything from the failures of the last 8 years to his plan for taxes, oil independence, education, health care, and most importantly - his plan to end this war responsibly. Thank you Barack Obama - it's about time for change.

He referred back to John F. Kennedy's concept of "intellectual, moral strength" and the idea that we all have to do our part to make this world a better place. Changing this world isn't about one man standing on a podium and making claims of change: changing this world is about all of us reclaiming the Golden Rule (which first came from the ultimate revolutionary: Jesus) and all of us living lives of self respect, hard work, and love for one another. Programs won't automatically make this world a better place, people will.

We need a president with fresh ideas, with humility to admit when he's made a mistake, and with a belief that there is more to this world than what we actually see. We need a president who is willing to take a stand for the average American and still holding onto the morals that our country was originally established on.

Last night, Obama said, "We must restore our moral standing, so that America is once again that last hope for all who are called to the cause of freedom, for all who long for lives of peace, for all who yearn for a better future..."

He also mentioned that we can all agree that we need to reduce the amount of unwanted pregnancies in this country, that we can uphold the 2nd Amendment while keeping guns out of the hands of criminals and people who are capable of producing the shootings similar to Virginia Tech, and that gays and lesbians should be able to live lives free of discrimination.

We may disagree about the methods to get there, but at the end of the day, all of these issues must be improved in our country. Both Democrats and Republicans should all be able to disagree on these issues without questioning the character and patriotism of each other. Patriotism does not have a party. We need to stop bringing each other down and start working together as a unit to make this world a better place. We all need to reclaim our sense of common purpose to experience the American promise.

Obama continued, "This election is not about me, it's about you! We cannot turn back now, we must march forward and hold firmly without wavering to the faith that we profess..."

Wherever you find yourself on the political spectrum, do yourself a favor and be responsible with the words you use regarding this election. This is the only "political" post you'll hear from me. I just really sense that Barack Obama is the start of something positive in this great country that we live in. Be sure to vote on November 4, 2008. Stand up for what's right but also pray for the grace to cover us when we're a little off.

Obama 08. KL.

Heart's Catching Up...

I've been really reflective the last few weeks.

My mind feels like it needs to slam on the brakes so my heart can just catch up a little bit. I lay in bed with thoughts constantly running through my head. Thoughts of contentment, thoughts of vulnerability, thoughts of love.

I've been distracted by this idea that people walk in and out of our lives and before we know it, we never see them again. In the blink of an eye, everything changes, and there's no prerequisite that could prepare you for this course. You never thought you'd lose them but here you are, years later, missing them more than you ever imagined.

But I have this hope, this monumental belief, this deep thought racing through my mind that carries me from one day to the next:

"I believe that my life's gonna see the love I give return to me." -JM

I'm just going to keep loving, no matter what. Love's the only thing in life you can't over-indulge in. You can have too much ice cream, too much of "self", too much money. You can have too much of almost everything - except love. And without love, we have absolutely nothing to live for. So please don't stop loving one another because with it, life can be experienced in its fullest potential.

Now it may not be returned tonight, and that's alright. It doesn't have to be. I'm just going to trust that at the end of my life, as long as I stay where the light is, it will all be returned to me.

And I can rest in that hope, just give me a second for my heart to catch up.

KL

Heart in my Hands...

I've been torn but not broken. I've been through the furnace but not burned. I've taken some hard punches but now I'm ready to throw a couple jabs of my own. Hope you're ready.

You thought you knew me, but you had no idea. If you saw me now, you wouldn't recognize me - because I'm bigger than my body gives me credit for.

I'm better than I've ever been (like Kanye said), tougher than I've ever been, and more progressive than I've ever been. All of which are leading me to where I've always wanted to be. But I assure you, it's not going to fall into my lap. It never has and it never will. I've accepted that and moved on.

I've had to make it happen for myself - for the most part, you will too. So now I continue the journey of making it happen for myself, regardless of the cost.

Change is right around the corner, meanwhile I'm gonna stand on the steps with my heart in my hands.


KL.

Say What Ya Need To Say

Isn't it about time I start being authentic, regardless of what it involves? Isn't it time I choose truth, no matter what the cost?

This week I've been reminded that plans don't always work out as we think they will.

This week I've had many opportunities to be honest and it felt so good to be sincere with myself and with other people. I've tasted independence, freedom, and self-sufficiency for some time now and it resembles a King Size Snickers bar. For so long I avoided these concepts because of my fear of loneliness. And then I met someone who reminded me that one doesn't always invite the other.

Someone can be an amazing person, a beautiful individual, an intricate personality - but different people have different lives. It's more important to end a relationship with integrity than waste someones time. I'm all about simplifying, identifying the most efficient method possible, and waiting for the right timing when it all feels like a dream.

I've met so many people who would do anything to escape a current relationship but haven't the stability to actually go through with it - so they settle in and become static. They forsake truth for comfort, real love for empathy, freedom for control.

Sometimes truth is the negative conversation we need to go through to arrive at our peaceful destination.

I want us to be honest beginning a relationship and honest concluding it. I want us to stop burning bridges. Say you want to just be friends and mean it. Act on it. Check on each other. Treat others the way you would want to be treated.

Be quick to forgive, slow to speak, and even slower to anger. Think about your words before you use them. Everything happens for a reason, please don't ignore the signs. When you feel it, you'll know. But until then, just enjoy the heart of life...

And never forget that these concepts are beautiful ways to live.

And that Jesus came up with them long before I did. KL.

Balance

Most people are either on one side of the spectrum or the complete opposite. Believe me when I say I was too (and still am from time to time) but I'm searching for something that can change it all. Something that brings consistency, contentment, and ultimately happiness.

I'm searching for balance, for equilibrium, for something to hold onto.

We can either be too straightforward or too passive. Either too rational or too impulsive. Either too cold hearted or too sensitive. Either too serious or too nonchalant.

So slow down and think about where you find yourself on the continuum.

Keep on loving, we're almost there. KL.

From Nothing to Something

I just finished one of the most depressing/optimistic testimonies out there these days. Eric Clapton was a man who was full of addictions of all sorts: music, sex, fishing, collectables, and the most deadly of all, hard drugs. Even though this would seem to lead to his downfall, it's what made him one of the greatest guitarists to ever strap in to play. He never did anything half-assed and I can respect that.

He describes his addictions and explains how devastating it was for his friends and family to witness. The first forty years of this man's life were filled with disappointment, death, abandonment, confusion, insecurity, and lonliness - and that's not an exageration by any means. He got to the point where he couldn't go a few hours without some sort of drug to get him through. He was drinking 2 bottles of vodka a day. It got extremely ugly.

And then the straw that broke the camels back slapped him in the face. Conor, his 4 year old son, fell 53 floors out of a high-rise apartment to his tragic death.

And it's in these moments where you see the character of an individual.

It's in these moments where God does His most magnificient work...

"At that moment, almost of their own accord, my legs gave way and I fell to my knees. In the privacy of my room I begged for help. I had no notion who I was talking to, I just knew I had come to the end of my tether, I had nothing left to fight with. Then I remembered what I had heard about surrender, something I thought I could never do, my pride just wouldn't allow it, but I knew that on my own, I wasn't going to make it, so I asked for help, and getting down on my knees, I surrendered.

From that day until this I have never failed to pray in the morning, on my knees, asking for help, and at night, to express gratitude for my life, and most of all, for my sobriety.

I choose to kneel because I need to humble myself when I pray, and with my ego, this is the most I can do.

If you are asking why I do this, I will tell you...because it works. It's as simple as that. In all this time I've
been sober, I have never once seriously thought of taking a drink or a drug."

And that's straight from a man who spent forty years disregarding the presence of God. That's straight from a
man who has been to hell and back. That's from a man who has been completely humbled by the grace of God.

It's such a beautiful story because something so self-defeating became something that has changed thousands of lives. Eric Clapton started the "Crossroads Centre" in Antigua which is a rehab treatment center for all kinds of addictions. It exists to help individuals and their families whose lives are controlled by alcohol, drugs or other compulsive behaviors – helping them to make the changes necessary to find new health, a new sense of well-being and a new life of recovery.

It's a beautiful thing when God takes something ugly and makes it wonderful again. Check out Eric Clapton's Autobiography and you'll see what I mean.

KL.

Reign of Love

Hold on.

Be good to one another.

Spend time with your thoughts in surround sound.

Don't worry about yesterday.  The sun will rise tomorrow.

Don't recycle revenge.  Stop it with you.

No one will fire if you wave the white flag and put the weapons down.  Whether it's a thought or a word - please be peaceful.

Don't "wait" for the world to change, you be the change you want to see in the world.  Realize it starts with individuals deciding they want a different life, a different vibe, a different world.

Listen more and talk less.  

Engage those who appear lost.  Listen to their story.

See more shows - art shows, concerts, galleries, etc.  Appreciate someone else's talents.  Root for them.

Seek truth and realize you will never have it all nailed.  

Travel and admit that there's a much bigger world out there than you.

Much love to all.  KL.

Got Your Back

What really does it mean to say "I love you?"

I've asked myself this question countless times. Love is such a beautiful concept and I often wonder what it really means. I wonder if we minimize the term when we say "I love Subway" or "I love that black polo"...What does it mean to love something, or perhaps someone?

Lately I've been thinking about this:

"I've got your back."

Think about what that means.

It means no matter what you do, I'm behind you. No matter what you say, I'm in your corner. No matter what, I got your back. I can't think of a more appropriate image of love.

I got your back.

So from now on, I'm going to show love by my actions and say that I've got your back. I've learned talk is cheap and that it means absolutely nothing until you back it up with movement, with progression, with rhythm. It's so easy to just settle in and become static with relationships but it's time we all start thinking about what we mean when we say "I love you..."

So please, say it more often. But more importantly, back it up with action. KL.

Hilarious

Check out this story. His picture says it all...

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/7526628.stm

KL.

Rhythm

If you've ever watched a band play live, you know what this is. The drums, the bass, and the guitar must all be in rhythm to be able to play something that resonates to the core of the audience. The original word for rhythm comes from the Greek word "rhythmos" which means any measured flow, movement, or progression.

This is about fighting off the "vultures" to eventually find RHYTHM.

This is about celebrating life when things just seem to flow and rising above the disappointment when they don't. This is about never throwing in the towel, no matter what. Anyone can collapse when the rain picks up but it takes courage to walk through the storm to the other side (and here's the important part): holding your head high through the entire journey.

This is about choosing freedom over resentment, choosing patience over instant gratification, choosing the hard-fought victory over the easy way out. This is about actions speaking louder than words. This is about the girl who steps into her new shoes and begins to understand why they feel so sweet - because she didn't fall hard to the temptation of giving up, she doesn't believe in the white flag. She instead walks through the door labeled "persistance", which then quickly takes her to the most beautiful place a person can experience: harmony, uninterrupted happiness, and ultimately, peace.

This is about being persistant in the moment but also realizing that it's not the last hurdle to overcome. This is about the guy who sets out to run 3 miles but runs 4 instead because he's preparing for tomorrow.

This is about accepting who you are today and finding someone who will love you through the liabilities.
This is about the college student who changes her major a half a dozen times and still has no clue where she wants to be. But she doesn't stop pushing herself; she tries new things and eventually finds exactly the career she was looking for. This is about waiting for what you want but proactively seeking it.

This is about caring more about others than about ourselves.

This is about ending this war and bringing our troops home where they belong. This is about peace. This is about Obama's ideas on changing things.

This is about the pursuit of harmony, the expression of creativity, and the appreciation of unknown waters.

This is about all of us wanting to become more than we are.

This is about rhythm. KL.

From Deep Down...

I've had a crazy last few days. I drove 6 hours north to Niagara Falls and saw the most beautiful waterfall ever, drove another hour and a half north to Toronto to see John Mayer, and last night I went with some friends to see him again in "Dirty" Jersey. I sit here with my coffee feeling more inspired than I've ever been in my entire life - and it feels amazing.

I realize my bias here; I've been a fan of JM for years. I have rooted for him and I (probably) always will root for him - I say probably because "always" is a word I've learned to be very careful about. Anyways, back to the point.

The first may be something that you don't want to think about (I don't either, but it leads to something very important) and what we want to hear and what we need to hear usually feel very different. There's a reason for that.

It's about judgments, assumptions, and stereotypes - it's about the most dangerous drug we can experiment with. There's the appetizer, here's the entree.

If you think about what judgment is at it's core, it's essentially someone saying that they have some sort of standard that isn't congruent with yours. It's when things are not in harmony, the exact oposite of "shalom". Judgment can be anything; something as simple as "Your shoes suck!" or "You listen to John Mayer?!? He's such a douche." A sense of judgment originates with arrogance and here's where it turns toxic:

Judgment leads to self-consciousness, which then inevitably leads to a level of insecurity that has permeated our culture and has become extremely poisonous to every single one of us. I realize there's dark and there's light. I need to be clear here; I'm referring to preferences, not morals.

But negativity never frees the captive, it only enslaves them longer and brings about more injustice. So think about your words and always remember that sticks and stones will break your bones but words will always do more damage (yes, I know I said "always"). Enjoy who you are tonight, not who you would be if you changed this or that - and that means accepting the insecurities and the talents. Push yourself to be the best you can be? Absolutely. But always make sure you have plans Friday night for fear of sitting alone in your room? Not anymore. I'm done with that approach.

Don't tear others down in an attempt to build yourself up. Root for others. Celebrate with them when they work hard to succeed and take them out to dinner when they're "covered in rain" because things didn't quite go as planned.

I truly believe love can set us free, we just have to let it. KL.

Keep Moving

There is just so much to say and so little time; but I need to share some truth with you. I unfortunately have come to realize that life is shorter than we expect or ever truly comprehend. People talk so much about "mid-life" crisis but I'm feeling more like there's an inevitable "quarter-life" crisis that hits around your mid-20's. Almost every adult I know between the ages of 18-25 are frustrated with where they are because this sobering question won't go away, "Is this all there is?"

From the time we were running around carrying Super Mario lunchboxes, we were told that we could become anything we want. Really? Anything? There's two things I've always wanted to be: the 2nd baseman for the Philadelphia Phillies (if it wasn't for that Chase Utley fellow) or a performer of some sort - preferably a singer.

After arriving in Niagara Falls, I met one hell of a Canadian who had hair down to his back and a smile that went from ear to ear. Perhaps one of the most laid back people I've met, he ushered us out to his porch and we were instantaneoulsy in a different world - a beautiful world. I went from hearing loud noises in the city to hearing the quiet of the country. I went from wondering where I was to kicking my feet up on a chair without a care in the world.

If you're not careful, you'll miss these moments. They walk by us so often without warning but on this day, I knew I was going to stop to listen, to sit on the porch, to relax. I had to - mainly because when truth hits our existence and coincides with our "belief" systems, we can't help but slow down and inhale. And hopefully smile ear to ear.

Life rarely fits perfectly in the picture frame (the way we originally thought it up) but it's important, and even essential, to keep moving - to refuse to settle for becoming static. You'll see if you just give it time, you'll find what you're looking for. I know I did and it's so much better than the original drawing ever would've been. But I wouldn't have known that if I didn't keep moving.

So keep moving, find a new interest. Decide to learn something new everyday. Don't ever settle for the status quo. If it feels good right away, you haven't bought a big enough canvas. Pick up an instrument you've never played and find a melody that resonates deep within your being. And when you finally hit that note, realize that no one can ever take that away from you. No matter what.

Want what your heros want, not what your heros have. KL.

I'm Not Together But I'm Gettin There...

"Don't give up, give up, give up." KL.

If You Love Me, Won't You Let Me Know?

I've never really found it advantageous either for myself or for others to hold my cards close to my chest and expect others to read my two pair, ace high. Growing up in a home where both my brother and I were taught to tell others how we felt has allowed me to reject this notion our country has - that men are forbidden to express feelings, especially feelings of emotion, vulnerability, and love. It breaks my heart to hear someone tell me, "My dad never told me he loved me" or "My brother never hugs me"...that's about the point in the conversation where I hug them tight and tell them they are loved.

Now before I come across as being overly sentimental, I realize there's a time to show composure in a moment of weakness. I strongly believe in the man being solid emotionally. Fair enough, but I think it's gotten a little out of hand.

The typical American father spends more time working toward the promotion than teaching him about the right way to treat people (especially women). We're more concerned with buying the addition to the house than sitting down with her and asking her about herself. We care more about buying the new jet ski than instilling grace, honesty, and ultimately love.

My mom recently told me about someone she knows who has devoted his entire life to his career. He drives a sweet car, lives in a big house, and pretty much can afford any vacation he wants. However, his son once told him that he'd trade his time for his gifts anyday of the week. Interesting.

It's time to condense the post for the reader...

It all comes down to priorities.

What's important to you? What's important to your family? What if our country cared more about family than materialism? How would our families look different? How would our children look different?

I have a deep sense of hope for the future of families in America. I urge you, the reader, to stop and think about someone you love. Perhaps it's your aunt, your spouse, or your child. When's the last time you hugged them? When's the last time you told them they were beautiful? When's the last time you said "I love you"?

Don't hold back any longer. Kiss her when you leave for work and see the difference it makes when you get home. Send her flowers for no reason at all; not because it's Valentine's Day or because you screwed up. Do it without any ulterior motives or without hidden expectations of getting "play" after a glass of wine. Do it because you love her with every inch of your being and you couldn't think of a better way to spend a couple bucks. And finally, please...

Say "I love you" more often

And mean it. KL.

Go Up Against the Wall of What You Don't Know

This must be said, whether you're into them or not:

Check out Coldplay's new album "Viva La Vida or Death and All His Friends". It's very different, but it will blow you're mind away. It's authentic, deep, and at some points, spiritual. 

Never be afraid to try new things. KL.

Just Because I'm Losing, Doesn't Mean I'm Lost...

I was reminded of an important lesson last night that must be shared:

Never, ever ever give up.

Ever since I could walk, I've been in love with the game of baseball. I remember falling asleep with a baseball hat on while holding my glove - and waking up feeling like a complete dork. Even to this day, there's nothing better than spending an afternoon making diving stops at short or turning double plays with a base runner bearing down on your ankles - spikes up.

I'm playing on a fast pitch softball team and even though I love being out there, we're like the 1992 Phillies. Only 2 out of 14 guys played in high school and we're majorly undersized compared to the other teams. I've never been on a team that lost more than 4 games in an entire season. Before last night, we were 2-7. It's been quite humbling.

But last night was different. We walked up to the field with a "swag" that I haven't seen all season. We were playing the biggest team in the league, the team who everyone talks about as being "unbeatable." They walked onto that field undefeated, cocky, and talented. We walked onto that field with nothing to lose.

The game was back and forth. 2-0 us, 3-2 them, 4-3 us, 5-4 them. And then the last inning came...

With one out and a runner on second, I stepped up to the plate. Now I'll be honest with you, I've struggled this season at the plate. It's been tough adjusting to the close distance, the release point, and the movement on the pitches. But I walked up to the plate and thought to myself, "Never, ever ever give up."

The first pitch was a fastball that I fouled off. The second pitch was high. 1 ball, 1 strike. I was sitting on a fastball and when I saw it, my eyes lit up and I ripped a line drive into the right-center gap. The funny thing is the guy on second is a little overweight but I've never seen someone pump his arms as fast as he did rounding 3rd base. He ended up scoring the tying run and I slid head first into third base. It felt so damn good to stand up, dust the dirt off, and begin to feel the sense that Rocco Mediate sometimes comes out on top. Two batters later, a long drive off the left field fence brought me to the plate where I was met by all my teammates...

A few lessons that I learned:

1) It doesn't matter if they don't believe in you, you must believe in you.

2) Never fear failure. It's better to try and struggle than to give up and live wondering, "What if?"

3) If you strikeout in the first inning, focus on the next at-bat. Forget the past and move on. Regret never changed what already happened.

4) Never, ever ever give up. Regardless.

I love the taste of perseverance, especially in baseball. KL.

The Beauty of June 13

Today I can't help but reflect on the last 365 days.

It's been a long year. A mixture of the worst and the best year of my life.

But I'm so thankful for June 13 because it marks the beginning of something new, something fresh, something right. If it didn't happen, I wouldn't be able to give what I can today.

But storms happen for a reason. Without a little rain, we'd never be able to fully appreciate the sunshine. Even though we may not always see the end of the downpour, we just have to keep walking until we see clear skies.

KL

Love Wins

After sweating through sound check yesterday, I had the opportunity to meet David Ryan Harris. Without trying to be the typical 16 year old fan who goes crazy when meeting a musician, I felt like that little kid inside as I contemplated what to ask this social icon. You may not have heard about him (he's huge on the west coast) but right when you hear his music, you immediately feel something deep within your soul. It's quite beautiful, really.

We talked about what touring with JM is like, the difference between the east coast and the west coast, and where he gets his material. I asked him where he finds his inspiration for his music and he said "Well, musically - Stevie Wonder, lyrically - my wife."

I want that to be my inspiration too.

Have you ever watched couples interact in public? It's actually really funny if your timing is perfect. I was in the supermarket the other day and heard a couple arguing about grape vs. strawberry jelly. The wife asked what he liked more and after he said grape, she said "But we always have grape! I want strawberry" and it was in that exact moment I knew I had to tune in. After the wife argued more for the strawberry, I heard the husband yell "I don't even like jelly!!"

As funny as it is for me to watch couples fight, something needs to change. It seems to me that couples argue about the most trivial things and they don't realize how insignificant their fights become. So stop fighting about the jelly, and the "right" way to get to your friends house (when there's really many ways), and the restaurant where you go out to eat dinner. Life's too short.

Love wins. KL.

Life is so Damn Great

Starting over has become my motivation, my inspiration, my life - and I've developed a deep sense of progression within me. It's quite refreshing to open up your hands and your heart to something (or perhaps someone) new. When you discover the method that works, all the others that didn't no longer matter.

It's so exciting to look back and see the big picture. To see the reason why it all happened and to believe that you are more today than you were yesterday. The journey is absolutely amazing.

So slow down. Take deep breaths. Spend a night with your thoughts and feelings in surround sound. Wear your heart on your sleeve and love others more everyday. Exercise patience with those who love you and those who don't. Don't be afraid to admit when you're wrong. Be peaceful, be compassionate, be kind.

When you feel disappointed, tell someone who cares. When your turned on, hug them tighter than you ever did before - and don't let go. When you're in love, smile from ear to ear and don't ever let anyone take that away from you.

Life is so damn great. KL.

Top 100 Guitar Songs of All-time (Notice #84)

Check out this link:

http://www.rollingstone.com/news/coverstory/20947527/page/2

A Random Playlist of Sweetness

"Come over, early in the morning
Just like a heat wave without warning
And when I touch you my heart begins to flutter
Cause you're smooth and creamy like peanut butter...

I'm gonna flood you like a love river
Ah, baby the postman is about to deliver
I cook you up some dinner, a little pasta
Listen to some music, a little rasta..."
- "Girl I Wanna Lay You Down" ALO

"And in the morning, when I rise
One question, that feels like the sun in my eyes
Am I making the most of this life?

So much trouble and so much strife
And in my guilty hour
Through all of my shame
When all my love is run sour
I have no one else to blame"
- "Make the Most" Brett Dennen

"I will go in this way
And I'll find my own way out
I won't tell you to stay
But I'm coming to much more

Why won't you run in the rain and play?
Let the tears splash all over you..."
- "#41" Dave Matthews Band

"We live in a beautiful world,
Yeah we do, yeah we do"
- "Don't Panic" Coldplay

"No one, no one, no one can get in the way of what I'm feelin
No one, no one, no one can get in the way of what I feel for you..."
- "No One" Alicia Keys

"Why do I beg like a child for your candy?
Why do I come after you like I do?
I love you."
- "Angel" Dave Matthews Band

"I'm not listenin when you say 'Goodbye!'"
- "Semi-Charmed Life" Third Eye Blind

"Don't look down,
Don't feast your eyes on the things that are on the ground
And if it gets hard to focus
When you're traveling at the speed of sound
Feeling nowhere bound
Remember what I told you and
Don't you dare look down..."
- "Don't Look Down" David Ryan Harris

"If you could only see the way she loves me

Then maybe you would understand

Why I feel this way about our love..."

- "If You Could Only See" Tonic

"Sweet like candy to my soul
Sweet you rock and sweet you roll
Lost for you, I'm so lost for you
You come crash into me"
- "Crash Into Me" Dave Matthews Band

"Pain throws your heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
No, it won't all go the way it should
But I know the heart of life is good"
- "Heart of Life" John Mayer

"May put your arms around me
What you feel is what you are
And what you are is beautiful
Do you wanna get married?
Or run away?"
- "Slide" Goo Goo Dolls

"She is everything I need that I never knew I wanted
She is everything I want that I never knew I needed"
-"She Is" The Fray

"And the bright lights turn to night
Until the dawn it brings
Another day to sing about
The magic that was you and me
Cause you and I both loved..."
- " You and I Both" Jason Mraz

"Come away with me and we'll kiss
On a mountaintop
Come away with me
And I'll never stop loving you"
- "Come Away With Me" Norah Jones

"I never thought I'd walk away from you
I did
It's a full sense of accomplishment
Everytime I quit"
- "Pain" Jimmy Eat World

"It's really over, you made your stand
You got me cryin, as was your plan
But when my lonliness is through
I'm gonna find another you...

See when I was your lover
No one else would do
But if I'm forced to find another
I hope she looks like you
Yeah but she's nicer too...

So go on baby,
Make your little get-away
My pride will keep me company
And you just gave yours all away

Now I'm gonna dress myself for two
Once for me and one for someone new
I'm gonna do some things you wouldn't ever let me do

I'm gonna find another you..."

- "I'm Gonna Find Another You" John Mayer






This is just a taste. KL.